How We Support Each Other During Tough Times - Episode 45
How do you manage your stress? Are you the type that feels better after talking it out? Or are you the type that feels better being alone to process everything? Whichever type you are, having great support is a must. Having this support really helps in managing your stress level. In this podcast, we talk about how we support each other during tough times. Join us, as we dive deep on stress management for parents of a baby and toddler.
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TIMESTAMP:
►00:00 - Intro
►00:08 - What does Yuntaku mean?
►00:37- TOPIC: How We Support Each Other during tough times
►00:49 - Recent Happenings: Paint Project
►02:00 - Overview of how we get stressed as parents
►02:47 - How to Handle Outbursts from our Kids
►05:03 - Noticing when we both need some time
►07:08 - Helping with the Chores
►08:55 - Taking Time to Hang Out/Quality Time
►10:28 - Focusing on which Relationship needs more attention
►11:42 - Doing Things Together as a Family
►12:32 - Asking Each other our Plan for the day
►13:10 - Encourage Each Other
QUESTION: How are some of the ways you support your partner during tough times?
MUSIC:
► Copyright Chillhop Music - https://chillhop.com
#supportduringtoughtimes #supporteachother #riseinlove #realizeyourtruenature
Podcast Transcription
The transcription below is provided for your convenience, please excuse any errors made by the automated service.
Tamo: This is episode 45.
Akko: And the topic of the day is how we support each other during tough times. And before we get started, please take a quick moment to subscribe to our show. Now let's get back to our recent happenings.
So recently we decided to paint our front door and actually the front base of the house. With our kids. You know how that goes?
Tamo: it was a lot of work. but we made it work. And. It looks a lot better now. We like it.
Mama did the door. And then I did The exterior.
So yeah, it came out pretty nice. And we're happy with it.
Akko: We were just thinking how easy it was when it was just the two of us to do any. projects, but with the kids, you have to like really think about. How do I entertain them? How to make them a part of it. Obviously. I don't really want them to touch the pain a lot, but for our daughter, we had her paint on the door with a really dried out roller so that she can get satisfaction out of that.
And so she can feel like she contributed to painting the door. And also the house too. Huh?
Tamo: Yeah. Yeah.
Akko: took a paint brush.
Tamo: She did. She did. And, it can be hazardous, right. Not just the paint, but there are dangerous things that they can trip over and hurt themselves and things like that. So we're always being. cognizant of that and yeah, it's a. Your attention is everywhere, but we got it done and, yeah. Great.
Akko: Yeah, we're really happy.
Project paint done.
Tamo: Yeah. Yeah. Just. I need to do some touch up. But other than that, I think we're looking good. Yeah, it'd be
cool.
Akko: Yeah. So let's get back to the topic of the day.
Tamo: the topic of the day is how we support each other during tough times.
So today's going to be a lot more casual conversation between the two of us and sharing what we do to support each other because life is tough and. Having kids. Adds to that toughness. Not to say it's a bad thing, but it's just a different type of challenge in life. And you are not only thinking about yourself, but you also have to think about your partner. You're also thinking about your children. If you have more than one, many children all at the same time and it's quite difficult. And through that. We can get stressed out just really tired and irritable all this stuff. And so we've been pretty good about trying to support each other in Making sure that we're both healthy.
And Yeah.
let's let's talk about that. For me what I usually do is ask.
how she processes it when the kids are having outbursts, because for me, yeah, it's tough to hear these outbursts, crying, screaming, and. Especially when it's because,
They want something that they shouldn't have and things like that. And yeah, it really it's tough on me. It's tough on me and I feel that Akko. is usually so good at processing and she can keep calm and things like that. So I always ask her. Akko, how do you process that?
Akko: Yeah, it's one of those challenging things . I dunno, I see the progress at the end of the tunnel, first of all, and work myself backwards. But cause when she's crying out, obviously she wants something. But if you give into that, then she's going to think. Oh, okay. If I just cry out a lot more then I'm going to get what I need and that's really not the message that we're trying to send.
And so I just try to be very conscious of that and very intentional about what I'm doing. I will let her know, like I'm here to give you a hug. All these things, but she can't just cry out and just get what she wants.
Yeah.
Yeah. So it's really tough and Sometimes. It's super tough because I'm.
low on sleep. I'm super irritable. And when these things happen.
I'm like, oh my gosh. There are times where I, I just, I can't take it. And then I ask for help. but yeah, usually I just let her cry. And it's just one of those things where I know.
In my heart, that this is something that she has to go through.
I know she's crying. I don't like to hear her car. We don't like to hear her cry. We don't want anyone else to hear her cry, but it's part of the process where. She needs to learn that. Crying is okay. But kind doesn't necessarily mean that she gets what she wants.
Tamo: Yeah. And, that's the thing that I probably need to learn from that is yeah.
it's just part of the process and who can again, expect her to be a mature adult, She's still only two. And so yeah, understanding that and really working with it is. I think really important. And I've been learning a lot from you. On how to process it because yeah, sometimes I just want some quiet, like I just peace and Yeah. During that time, during those times is when it usually happens. So it's interesting how it works but yeah, so that's one of the things that I do personally, I actually ask Akko because. she's Such a pro at processing these things I need therapy and learning. So that's why I usually ask her. Going into the next one. I think We are getting much better at doing this. and it's noticing when we both need some time.
Akko: Yeah. Yeah. So when I feel like, tell him when he's more time.
Tamo: When we say time, it's talking, we're talking about.
Just just peace and quiet. Maybe a little bit of time away from the kids. Things like that, just uh personal time
Akko: Yeah. Even in general just noticed okay, he needs his, solo time. And quiet time. And I just whisk the kids away sometime it has to be in a different room and that kind of helps. Sometime, I just take them out entirely. Maybe on bike stroll. So that they are not in the house and that you can gain that peace and quiet because, even if they're in the house, you can hear them scream. Do all these things. Our daughter's super into screaming right now and like when she's having fun, And also when she's crying.
Yeah, when she's having fun, she loves to scream and it's great, you're having fun, but gosh, you're gonna pop an eardrum. We try to be more Aware of what, we're both going through. Feeling you out.
Tamo: Yeah. Yeah, I think. And it's the same for me too. There are times when mama needs a little bit of time. And it can be personal time even just taking a shower or even being able to finish up chores.
And so this needing time isn't can be just literally a couple minutes to a little longer but that's what we're talking about. Just really short spurts. Here and there during the day okay. You need a couple minutes. Okay. Let me take the kids and give them my full attention and then vice versa. So I do that for Akko Akko. Does that for me? Yep. And really feeling each other out, sometimes. The kids can be screaming and having fun or maybe even crying. And if we're in a good state, that's fine. We can totally handle it. But the times when we're really, tired or just have so much on our minds and things like that, stressed out. It makes it a lot more difficult. So we take a quick moment to help each other out. And that's why we really our fine tuning. How we each feel so I can tell how Akko's feeling and yeah. Things like that.
Akko: And it's okay to just even ask Hey, are you okay? You seem more short or irritable you. Okay. Yeah, and you can ask if you're not sure.
Tamo: Yeah, exactly. And so with the next one. Which fits in nicely is helping with the chores. This is a, quite an obvious one, but a very helpful one.
Akko: Oh, yeah. When I have loads of laundry. Baskets full of laundry sitting in the living room and I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't even. know how I'm going to do it because every single time I try to fold.
the kids come and just destroy it all. And sometimes it sits there for days and, tamo
obviously I'm drowning in my chores. So he comes and just helps out. He either does a laundry or he plays with the kids so that . I, or you could put away the laundry and it really helps out. It's, I don't know, just knowing that there's folded laundry in the wardrobe or the dresser, it really helps.
Tamo: Yeah. Yeah. And that one's a never ending battle. There's always laundry to. be done.
Yeah. But luckily I enjoy starting my laundry. Folding. I don't know if there is anyone that likes it, maybe you do, but so yeah, I tried to help out there.
Akko: I was like really good. I like hold off until the basket's super full before I even throw it into the wash. But Tamo 's super good about just starting it, putting it in the dryer.
Like really good and that really helps because obviously you have clean clothes at least.
Tamo: Yeah. Yeah. And also, just trying to make it as smooth as possible. And that's something that we do, doing the dishes. Starting the dishwasher,
Akko: Yeah You're loading it up. Oh,
It's like really helpful. Like he's been really helping me out, like at night, like he always loads the dishwasher and by the morning it's all clean and it really helps.
Tamo: Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of things that we can all do to help each other out.
Cleaning because vacuuming we're vacuuming 24 7.
Akko: All the
Tamo: yeah, so there's so much stuff that needs to be done at home.
There's always. yeah. Yeah, Exactly.
Exactly.
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So now getting back to how we support each other during tough times, we also take some time to hang out. This is at night after the children are sleeping, we take some time to hang out.
and just just
Akko: yeah decompress. Talk about the day.
I talk about what's on our mind. If anything is bothering us.
Tamo: Yeah.
The plans. We have things like that.
Akko: And it really just helps out. Just hanging out,
Tamo: yeah, pretty yeah, and it also helps us. Keep tabs of where we're at. Like how you're doing, how I'm doing. And, if we're stressed out, we can discuss that. Why. If we're doing good, we can discuss why things like
Akko: Exactly Exactly. Yeah, just a. And also just quality time, right?
And just being able to be together, being with each other, and it just really helps. With the romantic side of the. Of the relationship to,
Tamo: Yeah. Yeah. And, as parents, that portion really Becomes an afterthought. But just really spending time with each other and getting to understand each other because for us, we see each other 24 7. too. We're always together, but. If we're not careful, we can still definitely drift apart. Even if we see each other physically.
Akko: Oh yeah
Tamo: every single day, all day. If we don't take time to connect with each other and really share what's going on inside. Definitely. Can drift apart. So we want to make sure that doesn't happen. because the more we understand each other then we can both help each other out better and we can be better parents.
Akko: Exactly. Exactly one bonus tip is, I would focused on your relationship. And that will in turn. Reciprocate to your children to.
Tamo: Yeah, that's the interesting part. It's hard to say, oh, this is more important than the other. It's actually a paradox where it's both your children are super important. Number one. And your relationship with your partner. Is number one too. So not really putting one or the other.
On a hierarchy, but really understanding that, okay, right now our children are doing fine. Let's focus on the relationship. Yeah. And we actually don't think about it in a way of focus on the relationship.
But i want to hang out with you.
Akko: Yeah, we make sure that we are always. Being intentional about hanging out. Sharing our love, showing our love. And it really helps.
Tamo: Yeah, it does. And with that said, we, do take time for each other and some days or some weeks, we don't have that much time to hang out.
We're pretty tired too. We're starting to work on getting to sleep a little earlier, things like that.
And so we don't spend too much time at night.
but yeah. I think. That also has its own benefits sleeping earlier. Being a little bit more refreshed, right?
Akko: Yeah. So quality versus quantity, it doesn't really matter how long you guys hang out, but really important. The quality. of how you spent it, spend it with each other.
With that said,
Tamo: yeah. So the next one is doing things together. So for example, like doing the chores together, going out to the park together walking together. and, in, in this case, we're talking about. Doing everything as a family. Yeah. So that we're actually spending. This time together. So there's a lot of things that we do together.
Akko: Yeah.
We do. And then the kids like it too,
Tamo: yeah, they enjoy it when everyone's
Akko: everyone's there. Our daughter is very inclusive of everyone, so she's like what about this person? What about that person? Are They going to come too. So I think she really enjoys it.
Our son is a little young to really realize. but you can tell,
Tamo: that he enjoys
Akko: Yeah he enjoys it and I really enjoy just like hanging out. With the family to just at the park walking, especially it's really cool because that also is, mom and dad had time to yeah.
Tamo: Yeah. And so it can be as simple as going out for a walk or even going to the park and having a picnic. It's always been fun
Akko: oh always. Always fun. Yeah.
Yep.
Tamo: And another thing that we do to support each other is asking each other. What our plans are for the day. And in the morning I asked Akko, okay, what do you have on your plate today? She asked me so that we have a general idea of where the day needs to go and we support each other for that to happen.
Akko: Yeah, exactly. And we share a calendar too, but it also always helps because we're not going to put like the nitty-gritty stuff. Like we're not going to put the small stuff on the calendar. So it really helps that we. both talk about it in the morning so that we can. both planour day. Yeah.
Accordingly. Yeah.
Tamo: And what we do is to support each other and. encourage each other eight let's get this done or whatnot, whatever is on the plate for the day.
And the last one is encouraging each other. What we do is we encourage each other to grow. We encourage each other to complete something that's on the to-do list. We encourage each other to be a better parent. We encourage each other in multiple ways. And. Part of that is being. Humble enough to listen to the encouragement of each other. So when Akko tells me, Hey, I think you might be a little stressed. Maybe you should take a little bit of time off. Do your thing. I have to be humble enough to say, you know what? You're right. And really taking that to heart.
yeah, that's something that we've been working on encouraging each other.
Akko: Yeah. Yeah. And even when Tamo is like okay, we'll go out for a massage. Go out to just. Have your time. My first. Initial reaction is no, I'm good. I'm good. Don't worry about it. But I do have to always be humble enough to just say yeah, okay. Thank you. And just. Have your time and you come back so much more refreshed.
Tamo: Yeah, and it's just better for the whole family. Exactly. Exactly. And I think. One is being humble and also being in touch with yourself to be able to say, okay, you know what? I am. I'm stressed or whatnot because it's so easy to be. Busy and not even know that you're stressed. That happens to me
Akko: Oh, yeah. all the time. , the. Other pair of eyes really help.
Tamo: Yeah, exactly. And that's why we're together. We want to help each other grow. We got each other's backs. and then just making this life, not just a one plus one is two, but one plus one is 11. Right? So that's what we're working for. And then through that our children will definitely benefit because when both you and I are doing good. The kids notice that too.
Akko: Yeah. Exactly. And as we shared before your children, Feeds off of your emotions. So if you're doing great, then your children will also do good.
Tamo: So the question of the day is how are some ways that you support your partner during tough times?
Akko: We love to hear from you. Please come say hi by commenting on our website, by going to AKKOANDTAMO.COM
Tamo: all right. We're looking forward to hearing from you.
Till next time