What We Learned as Parents in 2021 - Episode 37
It's that time of year when we reflect and admire all the things we've done throughout the year; reflect on the things we've learned. As parents I'm sure there's lots of things you've learned and thought should have done differently and even things you're proud of. But why not take this moment as an opportunity to learn and see how we can improve as parents and individuals. In this podcast share are golden take aways from 2021. Join us as we dive deep in our discussion about 2021.
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TIMESTAMP:
►00:00 - Intro
►00:11 - What does Yuntaku mean?
►00:36 - TOPIC: Things We Learned as Parents in 2021
►00:53 - Recent Happening: End of the Year Clean Up
►02:01 - Meeting our children where they are
►06:14 - Parenting is tough/challenging yet rewarding
►09:17 - Connecting with a newborn as a father
►11:11 - Kids learn through watching not listening
►13:02 - Parenting is fun, rewarding and a chance to accelerate my personal growth
►15:06 - Self Care is Important
►17:51 - My renewed sense of admiration and appreciation for Akko
►18:21 - How much I appreciate Tamo
QUESTION: What are some things you’ve learned in 2021?
MUSIC:
► Copyright Chillhop Music - https://chillhop.com
#reflecton2021 #introspecting #riseinlove #realizeyourtruenature
Podcast Transcription
The transcription below is provided for your convenience, please excuse any errors made by the automated service.
Tamo: This is episode 37.
Akko: And the topic of the day is things we learned as parents in 2021. And before we get started, please take a quick moment to subscribe to our show. Now let's get back to our recent happenings. So recently we've been doing a lot of end of the year cleanup.
And it's it's been going well. I mean, it was pretty hectic the first. few days that we were really cleaning up.
Tamo: Yeah. Yeah. Especially, during the year. With two kids now things just kind of get messy and pretty much 24 7
cleaning. Right. So, So yeah, that's been really awesome to push the cleaning and for myself we've
been getting rid of stuff that we don't really use, you know? Selling things on eBay.
just really minimizing and
Akko: Yeah Yeah
And minimizing a lot of the kids' toys. I mean, they really don't need that much.
Tamo: Yeah, exactly.
And as we talked about in previous podcast episodes we talked about how too many toys is actually detrimental to the children. So we've been really working on that from the stuffed animals to just toys. And also it makes it a lot easier to clean up.
Akko: Exactly so, yeah, we're really thinking of just really getting rid of another. Maybe 75% of it, so that Cleanup is easier And they're much happier.
Tamo: So let's get into the topic of the day. Which is things we learned as parents in 2021.
Akko: You want to start it off? Tamo?
Tamo: Yeah, sure. So for me one of the things that I learned in 2021 is that we want to meet our children where they are. And what I mean by that is. So I would ask my daughter to do a certain thing, but she doesn't do it. She ends up running away or for example. Okay. we're going to go out wear your socks. And then she just runs away. Or she'll just straight up say no. And. A certain
Akko: part of me
Tamo: obviously he does not like that. And. I had a mindset of okay. I'm the parent. You got to listen to me.
and wear your socks now. But I really started to change how I thought about that. And When I had some quiet time for myself, I just reflected on the interaction that I was having with my daughter. In terms of telling her what to do. And that's exactly what it was telling her, what to do. And if you think about it, You know, especially young children, they get told every single day what to do all day long. Right. Don't do this. Don't do that. It was always they're being controlled. And that just starts to get frustrating. And I totally felt that. And during that Quiet time that I had for my I thought to myself. Okay. What can I do? What can I do to. Improve that and build an even stronger and more like a fun light.
Happy relationship with my daughter, not to say that it was in shambles or anything like that. It's just that. There were small things that would really kind of grind my gears. And so what I did was to meet our children where they are. what I mean by that is. When, Hey, our daughter is two and a half years old. I have to meet her at that. she's two and a half. I'm not going to expect her to be. 10, 20 or 30 years old. Right.
So instead I have to see things from her perspective and that made a world of difference. So my daughter When that certain times when she's told to do certain things, she'll just run away from me. And I was like, oh, why is that? And when I calmed myself down. I found out that she just wanted to have fun. She was just showing me that she wanted to play. And I didn't know that just because I was focused on, okay, we got to get this task done. Wear your socks. We're going to go in the car. We're going to go. But instead I said, oh, okay. So she's asking me to play with her.
And so I said, okay. Let's take a extra, couple of minutes. And I'll chase you around the house. And then once we played chase then she was more than happy to wear the socks. So it's really, I met her where she is. She wanted to have just a little bit of fun and then she was ready to go.
And so I've been really taking some time and just being with my daughter and seeing all those things. And it's really been a chance for me to be a lot more fully present with our children. Not only our daughter, but our son who is, 11 months old. So just meeting them there and focusing Myself being fully present and. Lessening the friction by, having fun. And it really was awesome because our children are always giving us clues to their needs.
So that's one of the major learnings that I had in 2021. Thank you for letting me share that. So what about you AkkoWhat hat have you learned? In 2021.
Akko: Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing. that was beautiful. And it certainly is true. You know, you have to meet our kids where they are, where where their cognitive stages and developmental stages
Tamo: Right Exactly. exactly. So, you know, we can't expect our children to act like like mature adults. because they're not right.
Akko: They're just, don't get it. They're not there
Tamo: Right? Exactly.
But it's very interesting because sometimes they have a lot more to teach you about yourself than you even know. And I'll be talking a little bit more about that later, but yeah. They can help you see things that you may be blind to.
Akko: Yeah, yeah. So, some of the things that I've learned in 2021 is how tough and challenging parenting is. Yet how rewarding it is. I mean, it's really tough, especially with the second one. in the whole mix. Having two kids is much different and challenging compared to just one And there's a lot that I've learned.
Tamo: and we're with them 24 7, right.
Akko: Yeah, exactly, we're with them24 7. So Literally. every aspect of them. just All spectrum of.them So, yeah, we're very fortunate. But it can be very challenging and sometimes they really push you to your limits. I mean, they really push you to your breaking point. They know how to push your buttons and sometimes. Yeah, you know, I get really angered, but really what's important here is that I'm showing them how to deal with these emotions. Let's say I'm really angered. By what's happening in the situation. I let them know, I'm very angry. And then I literally verbalize what I'm doing. Like I have to take a deep breath.
And then our daughter will be like, okay, let's take a deep breath and she'll just look at me like it's okay. Don't worry. It's just really funny and so, you know, I'm just taking a deep breath and I'm like, okay, we need to do it with me.
And, showing her how to deal with these big emotions is key. as they build their life skills. And. It's truly special to be able to. Teach these things to them. Show these things to them as parents. And what's really rewarding is to see them grow and develop. As they hit all their milestones.
The types of things they do, the things they say, it's just amazing how they go from a few words to a sentence, to sentences to explaining what's happening. And it's just really amazing to see. And really trying to be fully present with them. Has also been another reward that I've been noticing. So I try to just put my phone down and really give them my full attention so that I can be more present with them. And it's just a lot more rewarding that way. And a lot more rewarding for the kids too. I mean, they know that. They have my full attention. So, yeah, those are some of the things that I've learned and am learning still and also, you know very thankful for.
Tamo for making this happen so that we can spend 24 7 with the kids.
Tamo: Yeah, definitely. Wow. So for context we Are raising our children together. We don't really have outside help. No grandpa, grandma. or you know we don't Right right None of none of that And so they're with us all the time and there's a lot of challenges and sometimes You know we also want to break but we do that for each other sometimes I'll go give me a little bit of time for me to just kind of sit around and just zone out And hopefully I can do that for her once in a while here and there too And so yeah yeah It's been really a blessing that we can all be together at home all the time And we just started as a parents but I'm really excited for the future and continue to. grow as parents too right
Akko: Yeah.
All right, so maybe your next one, you want to share .
Tamo: Yeah. The next one was connecting. as a newborn. So this year we welcomed our son to the family and. the context of how our son was born versus our daughter was quite different so our daughter the birthing story was little bit more tense and quite stressful just because there were issues with the birth and yeah so that difficulty actually helped me be a part of it a lot more and gave me like kind of bonding even prior to the birth to our daughter now with our son His birth was a lot smoother and I wasn't attached to him as much as my daughter in the beginning, but what I noticed is the more I gave myself, the more I did things for my son more and more I started to really connect with them you know from changing diapers to feeding him. carrying him as much as I can. and just spending a lot of time. And with that, I saw a really big shift in myself too and really bonded. And now I'm just like, I love these kids. Equally and so much. And it's been really a growing experience for me.
Akko: Yeah, absolutely
Tamo: and so, yeah. I think as a father the one tip I would love to give is to just dive into it dive into it and do as much as you can for your child you know changing diapers feeding or whatever You can carry your child as much as you can and just bond And the more you do at the onset the things will be and yes you'll see a lot of challenges sometimes you'll be like oh I'm so tired I need a break but just you know take your breaks and get back to it and just give it your all and all that will come back with much more so good luck to future parents what's your next one
Akko: Yeah, my next one is I've learned Our kids really learn a lot from watching rather than listening and they watch us So we have to be the best role models that we can And especially because I've been noticing every single time I tell our daughter that she needs to eat at the table but here I am setting the food down and still doing other stuff to prepare for dinner or just like side dish And I'm eating while I'm preparing So she's obviously watching me and being like Hey well mama's not sitting at the table when she's eating and so she's going to think oh that's okay but then why is she telling me to sit so there's a little bit of a discrepancy there, so, I need to be better about just making all the food and then sitting all as a family to eat rather than set everything down and then going back and still doing other stuff so that is something that I was noticing and that I need to show by doing so I've been trying to change things around and make sure that I do sit at the table and I don't move until I'm done with my food so that I can set a good example for them yeah
Tamo: That's a really good point and I think that also helps us you know with our own growth right Because we have to be that role model we have to show by doing and Our children are very good at seeing when we make those missteps right if we don't eat at the kitchen if we're eating somewhere else or they'll catch us like that even like junk food. I'm like I like I like I had some kind of chocolate and then our daughter's like what are you eating mom
And she was following your
Akko: Yeah. She's like, what are you eating? Can you open your mouth and I'm like Aw darn so. Yeah All these things all these bad habits that you want to break your kids are there to help you
Tamo: Yep Exactly
Akko: All right So what's your next one
Tamo: Yeah The next one is kind of like a mindset shift and from you know kind of being stressed out and thinking that parenting is you know really difficult stressful to I changed that to parenting is fun rewarding and it's a chance to accelerate my own personal growth and so again that mindset shift was from oh you know this is difficult stressful Ah how does one even parent to kind of more understanding where the children are at. and like I mentioned, meeting them there meeting them where they are. are with a smile. Right. So it's not a chore, but it's actually something fun.
And so. with that, it's been an accelerant for my own personal maturity and to consider more and more not only my needs but the needs of others. Right? Of course others, meaning. Not only Akko but the children, but this translates into
The whole of life. So considering other people a lot more just kind of widening your scope of your thought So really being considerate of other people and becoming a bigger, more compassionate person, right? Instead of contracted tight stressed out person going the opposite way. So really jumping into and getting out of that small shell. of me me me thinking, but more of a, we, we, we all, all type of thinking. So that's been really. Helping me. And especially the last couple of months.
I've been really feeling a difference here and yeah, it's been really great. So. The difficulties that our children show us are the seeds that we can use to plant water and grow. And those seeds become maturity It becomes compassion It becomes love and much much more So Yeah it's been fantastic
Akko: Yeah that's great Yeah
Tamo: All right so that was another one how about you
Akko: Yeah. Yeah. So the next one is how important self care was. And as a mother, I feel it's so easy to become the martyr of the family. And it's very natural for me to become that. And I'm not really sure if it's like an instinctive thing or if it's just like embedded in like females or what, but it's so easy for me to just like, I don't want to say lose myself, but put others ahead of myself. And so I really noticed that. Just taking care of my skin for example was a first step that I did you know, make sure I do my skin regimen daily morning and night. And kind of seeing those differences . Really made a true difference. And recently. Exercising a lot more. Had made me feel a lot better. Like in the morning I would wake up. take the kids on a jog and it just makes me feel better just to get a good bit of sweat in, in your daily routine. From the morning. And then in the afternoon you know, to do some exercise has really made a big difference as far as my energy and just making me feel. better about myself internally and externally.
Tamo: Yeah, it's really cool that you mentioned that and one thing that I noticed as you were speaking was we're actually what we learn in terms of this right In terms of self care or for me kind of the maturity is we're actually going the opposite way so hear me out This is I saw so for me it was I started out more me me me I became a little bit more We we we but for you you're kind of getting too much we. we so you need to do a little bit ofme me me so just finding that balance So, you know in the maybe the beginning of the year you were very we we we and neglecting your me me me And' then I was to me me me neglecting the we we we so now we're going the opposite way And then hopefully in 2022 we can find a lot more balance And we'll need to help each other catch each other when maybe I'm going tome me me then you know working on that and then for me to help you when you need me time I can tell you Hey Akko I think maybe you can take some me time let me take care of the kids And you know you do your
Akko: yeah. It's been helping to, you know, Tom will just kind of tells me like, Hey, go ahead and go for a massage. You know, get the longest massage. And so yeah sometimes I would go for like a 90 minute massage it feels really good you know cause you just get relax get as much rest as possible during that time and just yeah not Exactly Not think much and just relax. And it's been really helping and yeah. Like you said, like, hopefully we can just really help each other find that balance. We're really looking forward to 20, 22.
Tamo: Yeah I think that's great because that brings me into my last kind of major learning of this year And it's My renewed sense of admiration and appreciation for Akko Right So I see that us kind of helping each other out is also kind of what brings the sense of this admiration and like wow You know it's so nice to have you as a partner in life so we can help each other and not only that you know parent to the best of our abilities
Akko: Yeah. Thank you, honey. And it's funny because. My last one is also. My relationship with Tamo and just to give you guys a background we didn't share each. Other's what we learned in 2021 until now actually like.
I'm hearing it for the first time. So it's really cool that, you know, the, our last one was in sync. So yeah, I just really felt an appreciation for our relationship. and really realize how much of a difference it makes to have a strong. Relationship with your partner. I mean, it's just it's if you think of Maslow's hierarchy and how like food, water, shelter, food. It's all important. I feel like relationships should be at the bottom too, because it really built for a strong foundation, as far as your family. I mean, even if you go to work, if you have a really strong. relationship with their spouse. I mean, okay. Bad day at work. I mean, it's you come home and it's like, great. Still. And, just alleviates any tension or any stress that you're feeling.
So I just really thought that my relationship with Tamo is such a blessing. And just knowing that he's always on the same wave lane is such a blessing. And now With the kids time is really limited as far as our couple of time and so It's really special when we do get that couple of time And when we do get that quality time that we get to spend when the kids are asleep And It makes it that much more special when we are able to spend that time together
Tamo: Yeah and I have to say you know it's important to still take some time to be with each other because even if we're together 24 7 it's different. You want to carve out some kind of like the more quiet times where you can just be with each other because during the day you're taking care of the kids and it's really just go go go go go go Right And so instead of that you want to you know Hey maybe it can be at night for early birds in the morning to start taking some time and just being with each other you don't even have to talk much but just really being with each other not being on the phone computer nothing like that Just just be with each other
Akko: Yeah Yeah Like sitting on The couch You know just snuggle up with a blanket or something and yeah just really simple simple night
Tamo: Yeah and also something that I wanted to add is even for us this relationship they didn't just magically happen It it took a lot of work and it continues to take work but more and more now it's we don't I don't really like to call it work anymore because it's not that it's not like a really effort ID like oh I got to change for her Or it's not like that but it's really just communication and being very open flexible
Akko: Yeah exactly Exactly And if he just if he doesn't understand then you just have to clarify what you want Exactly And it's just I dunno, like what clarification communication and I.
feel like those two probably make the biggest difference. Because you can communicate. And if, obviously, if you guys are misunderstanding, then that's a problem as well. So making sure that you guys understand each other. And being able to clarify and not being afraid to clarify.
Anything is probably a key cause yeah. Yeah. Like Tamo was saying like in the beginning it was not like this. It was something that we had to, like you said kind of Quote unquote work on
Tamo: Yep And all these things you know we'll be sharing on you know future podcasts So yeah stick around And also one thing that she mentioned that I think is really important is she was saying that you want to clarify your needs and there are some times I see couples where one is asking for something but they don't actually really know what they want And so that can also cause confusion So I would take another step to say you really have to know yourself and to know yourself you really have to just kind of take time to introspect And for me I I'm that type that really enjoys introspection but I think it's very healthy for everyone to do You know it takes some time here and there to do it Maybe a couple of minutes a day if not just the maybe once a week carve out some time for you to just sit in Maybe think write down some thoughts things like that
Akko: Yeah. Yeah, I think that's great. Or, you know, you just find someone like Tamo that questions. to make you think. and you're just like, oh yeah, yeah. Cause I have to say I'm not naturally that type. I'm not naturally a person that introspects but because I'm with Tamo, he helps me work on myself
Tamo: Yeah And you know it's a lot of it's mindset And in the beginning I think ill dredge up a lot of like uncomfortable things about yourself that you know I don't want to think about it or it just feels icky Right But you know once you start to dredge up all that and things start to be shown in the light you know you bring light to it all the darkness and the shadow aspects of yourself And when you start putting that light on it and things start to kind of show itself and you start to understand it things get a lot better. And then soon you really enjoy doing self-work and continuing to you know mature yourself
Akko: Yeah So Question of the day
Tamo: what are some things you learned in 2021
Akko: We'd love to hear from you Please come say hi on our new website by going to AKKOANDTAMO.COM
that's a K K O A N D T a M o.com
Tamo: All right, well this is the last podcast of 2021 And so we're looking forward to being with you in 2022 So be sure to subscribe and visit our website comment and we'll look forward to keeping in touch take care
Akko: Absolutely All right Well happy new year
Tamo: happy new year
Akko: Bye.