Addressing your Child’s Physical Aggression with Love and Compassion - Episode 57
As a parent, it can be difficult to know how to handle physical aggression from your child. It's understandable to feel frustrated or overwhelmed when your child is hitting, biting, or pushing others. However, it's important to remember that your child's behavior is not a reflection of your parenting or your child's character. Addressing your child's physical aggression with love and compassion can help to create a safe and supportive environment for them to learn and grow. Join us as we dive deep in a few tips to help you approach the situation with empathy and understanding
We look forward to reading your comments. ❤️ 💫
IG: @akkoandtamo
TIMESTAMP:
►00:00 - Intro
►00:28 - Recent Happenings: Tamo Getting more Sleep & Sleep
Supplements
►02:05 - TOPIC: Addressing your Child’s Physical Aggression with Love and Compassion
►03:57 - Why Some Children behave the way they do
►04:50 - Most important tip to always follow
►05:36 - Tips to lessen aggressive behaviors.
►07:59 - Children go in and out of phases
►08:56 - What helped Akko deal with this situation
►11:13 - Believe in your child
QUESTION: What have you done that works to minimize hitting/pushing?
MUSIC:
► Copyright Chillhop Music - https://chillhop.com
#lessenaggressivebehavior #believeinyourchild #consciousparenting #realizeyourtruenature
Podcast Transcription
The transcription below is provided for your convenience, please excuse any errors made by the automated service.
Tamo: This is episode 57
Akko: And the topic of the day is addressing your child's physical aggression with love and compassion. And before we get started, please take a quick moment to subscribe to our show.
Now let's get back to our recent happenings. So recently Tamo is working on getting more sleep.
Tamo: Yep. Usually I tend to be a night owl, so getting to bed quite late. and if I don't really keep a track of it, it gets just later and later. From 12 to 1:30 to 2. And it's not good because the next day I'm waking up at the same time.
So I'm just getting a lot less sleep.
Some of the signs that show me that I'm not getting enough sleep is one. During meditation I tend to doze off, which usually doesn't happen when I'm rested. And the second one is I have less capacity for handling parental stress and work stress.
So those three things really show. , I need to get back on track when it comes to sleep. Little by little I've been getting to bed earlier and earlier, and it's been making a difference. I'm already seeing a improvement in my daily meditations. And I'm also seeing that my capacity for stress has increased. And so I've been working on sleep. And then for those who haven't heard of Andrew Huberman, he has a podcast and he shares a lot about sleep, and he also mentions a stack of supplements that you can take to improve sleep.
So for me, I don't really have any issues getting to sleep or staying asleep. It's more that we get woken up at night. And this is not medical advice. Dr. Huberman recommends a type of magnesium called magnesium thernate, and then apigenin and then L theanine stacking those up for, better and a longer quality sleep.
So I'm looking into testing that and seeing how that goes.
Yep. So let's go into the topic of the day. Today we're gonna be talking about addressing your child's physical aggression with love and compassion. So, Akko, can you share with us why we are gonna be covering this topic today?
Akko: Yeah. We decided to choose this topic just because we are in the brunt of this right now. And our son has started to push and hit and throw things at times, and it's started to become an It is an issue that we, try to nip it at the bud and everything. And we tried different tactics we tried to give him options to deescalate somehow. And empathize as to how he's feeling perhaps. And nothing has been working. We just wanted to just jump in here to talk about, what we're going through and why some children might be hitting or pushing and just. Giving compassion towards those parents and child because we might not really know what's going on. These kids are so young and they're not able to express themselves effectively, and that's why we as parents are, Sherlock Holmes, right? We're trying to pretty much figure out what's going on inside and unlock, what's happening so that. We can give them the tools to deescalate however they're feeling.
Tamo: Yeah. And it's been pretty tough for us as parents because, we've been working so hard and we're continually learning about new more conscious methods to parent. And then here we are experiencing, our child hitting or pushing other kids. And y sometimes. We work so hard and it feels like a defeat, right? Yeah. And exactly. For a couple of days we've been pretty bummed, but we're gonna be sharing what's been working for us what we have done, what kind of actions we've been taking, and it actually has been working. And, and later on we will have ako share what she's been doing most recently and it looks like we have a glimmer of hope with the method that Akko is using. So she'll be sharing that later in the podcast.
Akko: Yeah, so let's just start off with why these things happen with kids. Some kids just start pushing and hitting and some kids don't. But for those kids that do, it happens usually because a child is trying to communicate something to the parents or something to an individual, but doesn't know how to, and they don't really know how to express themselves, and it comes out physically. And please know that children aren't malicious to start with. They're not vindictive or they're not trying to hurt people. So you have to think, okay, so why are they acting this way? There's always a reason why behind it. So we're the detective and we're trying to figure out why this is happening, what they're trying to say, what kind of message are they trying to send? And so that's usually what happens. At times it could be that some children might be just overly energetic and the way it comes out is physically cuz they can't release that energy in any other way,
and so there are many tips that's suggested. And the most important one is to actually look inside of yourself, to regulate your emotions. First is what we would suggest, right? Because as parents, your child really can hone in on how you're feeling.
So the first thing you wanna do is just regulate yourself. You're more calm so that they don't catch onto however you're feeling because you know the mom guilt or the dad guilt or the shame and how the other parents are viewing yourself, like that could all play a role. So you just wanna just put that aside and not even take that into consideration and just calm yourself down.
Take deep breaths and. Then figure out what's going on with their child and then figure out what's going on with their child so that you're able to pick up on those subtle energy or cues that they're feeling. So perhaps some of the things that you can do is maybe they don't have that much rough.
It's interesting, but being a little more rough with them can let that energy out.
Or maybe putting them in some type of sports or something that can let out that energy or perhaps giving them a choice as to what to do and let them know that it's not okay to hit, it's not safe to hit.
Maybe that's a really good word to use. That's what we've been using. Hitting is not safe and I cannot let you hit others. But you can say hi to them if you wanna play, or you can say, let's play. You have to use your words. So those are the stuff that we've been teaching. And once again, staying calm when it happens and paying more attention to your children and give them a lot of loving attention and really noticing their strengths and always letting them know how well they did, or if it's a positive, oh, I've noticed that you restrained yourself and you were able to say hi to your friend And not really bring up, oh, you didn't hit, but more so, oh, you were able to restrain yourself, put your hands to yourself and say hi to your friends. And so really giving those positive strengths positive remarks to your children are very helpful.
Cuz at least they know they're doing good. Children are always out to please their parents. It's innately built in them.
Tamo: Yeah. And one thing that I've been noticing is when I say look in my eyes when I'm talking to you that was equaling. Daddy is mad, daddy is angry.
So now what happened is when I say, look into my eyes, daddy is not angry. It's okay. I noticed that I get a lot more positive feedback from my children and they actually do look in my eyes.
Whereas before when I said, Hey, look in my eyes, look in my eyes when I'm talking to you, they would usually not look in my eyes and either run away or just not listen, but by saying,
Daddy's not angry at you. Look in my eyes and then I give him a hug and just be as warm as possible to them and then go into what I want to talk to them about.
So that's something that I've been noticing in terms of giving them more attention. But not just attention, but understanding like the energy behind it so that have that angry energy behind it, or frustrated energy behind it instead, just a more neutral energy and if not more warmer caring, loving happier energy.
Akko: . Yeah. Like we were saying, children really hone in on your energy, so you wanna make sure that it's all coming from a very neutral or happy place. And, I do also wanna mention that this is always a season in your life. So if going through these things are really challenging for a parent, and, we do wanna let parents know that this is always a phase.
Remember it's always a phase. Whatever is hard or bad today might be the last day of that phase, and tomorrow they'll just grow out of it. So it's just a good reminder for ourselves to tell ourselves like, Hey, this is a phase. It's gonna end soon. It's not gonna be forever.
and it might get harder before it gets better, but it will also make you stronger as a parent and more confident because you know what to do in these certain situations. And your children will also be confident as well because they had you to guide them in dealing with all these feelings that they were feeling. You're giving them tools and at the same time you're working on how to decode, how they're feeling and everything. So it's a really good opportunity and it can be challenging, but in the end it's great for the both of you guys.
And then one more thing is what helped me especially, was having a good support system. Like Tamo was saying, we were feeling defeated. Like we try so hard read all these conscious parenting books or respectable parenting books and, read all these articles and try these new things on our children.
And here we are having to deal with a child that hits or push or throw things at times. And, it's been I guess for a lack of better word, crushing to our morale, but I have such a good support system. I felt so empowered by just the support that I was getting, like the text or calls that I was getting. And it's just been great, I had friends calling me or texting me and saying, Hey, you're not alone. Like I had problems like this or other friends that were in more of the educational field. And so they were giving me the point of view of the teachers or whatnot. And so it was great. And, it was just always empowering to have these people around you and support. So I would say if you don't have anyone, try to find people that can support you when you're going through these type of things.
Tamo: And it's always nice to have someone that's has children in similar age groups that understand for example, maybe your parents, the grandparents may have great things to say, but at that time they usually, people tend to forget how tough it was.
, especially when. want input from someone that's maybe even going through it together. So just as a shoulder to cry on. But, when it comes to support system, it can come from many different areas in life. So just, reach out to people.
Akko: Yeah. And if you don't have anyone go on Facebook and try to join these Mommy and me groups and try to meet up with them, if anything.
Tamo: And with that said, even for us we have Instagram. Come and join us and start your discussion there and hopefully people can chime in. We'll certainly chime in.
Akko: Oh, absolutely.
Tamo: so yeah, just come on over. Even website, email, whatever it is. Get into touch with us and share your concerns.
Akko: Yeah. And we can be your support team we're here for you guys. We know how hard parenting is. You're not alone. And yeah, we'll be more than happy to, talk to you guys and be there for and let us know if you want us to cover any other topics or anything that comes to your mind. And lastly, believe in the growth of your child.
Just really believe in it. So like Tamo was saying, I'm trying something new right now. And we just decided that.
We're gonna try to tighten our boundaries a little more, and hopefully that works a little better. We were giving them a lot of freedom and independence and for our son, I believe, at this time and this season in his life.
He needs tighter boundaries. And so that's why we are tightening our boundaries. So there is pretty much zero tolerance. So if he, if I see him hit or push or possibly throw things then I will remove him from that situation. So let's say we are at the playground or whatnot I would just have him.
With me and explained to him that hitting is not safe and that we have to use our words and we have to sit here for a little bit. And the only reason why we're sitting and not going home is because we have our older daughter, and that's unfair to her. I don't want her to build this resentment towards her younger brother because she had to go home and she's not able to play in the playground because he was misbehaving.
Tamo: Yeah. What Akko will do is Akko will physically carry our son and sit in a different area, right?
Akko: Yes, correct. And it's interesting because the transition is actually not that bad. It's not like he's kicking and crying and because he didn't wanna do that, he's just okay. And then he just sits and he just sitting quietly. That also tells me like, was he overly stimulated and did he need a break. I don't know. We don't know. But I'm gonna just keep trying and just stay consistent and I really believe that things will be better and I hope that I can come back here and tell you guys that everything is great. And so to sum everything up, it's never fun to go through these challenges with your kids. And so I invite you to take a deep breath and notice all the wonderful traits of your children.
Tamo: And so if you think this episode is helpful for other parents, please share it. And if you haven't, please take a quick moment to subscribe to our show.
Akko: And the question of the day is, what have you done that works to minimize in hitting and pushing?
Tamo: We'd love to hear from you. Please come say hi by commenting on our website by going to aco and tamo.com and clicking on the podcast tab.
We're also on Instagram at AKKOANDTAMO.com, so please come say hi to us there. We're also on Instagram at AKKOANDTAMO, so please come say hi to us there.
Akko: All right, bye.
Tamo: right. Bye-bye.