How to Build a Strong Family - Episode 59
As parents, we have the responsibility to teach our children how a healthy relationship can look by example. One way to do this is by modeling respectful behavior towards our partners, which includes speaking from our hearts and well of each other in front of our children. Join us as we dive deep on how speaking positively about our partners in front of our children sets an example of how to treat someone we care about. This shows our children that we value and respect each other, and it also helps the children develop a positive attitude toward relationships and to each parent.
We look forward to reading your comments. ❤️ 💫
IG: @akkoandtamo
TIMESTAMP:
►00:00 - Intro
►00:27 - Recent Happenings: The plight of parents with young children. We got sick
►00:57 - TOPIC: How to Build a Strong Family
►01:37 - Benefits of speaking well of your partner in front of your children
►05:46 - What to do when conflicts arise in front of your children
►09:51 - How to speak well of each other
►11:05 - Summary
QUESTION: How do you talk to your partner in front of your children? How do you handle conflicts in front of your children?
MUSIC:
► Copyright Chillhop Music - https://chillhop.com
#strongfamily #respectfulrelationship #consciousparenting #realizeyourtruenature
Podcast Transcription
The transcription below is provided for your convenience, please excuse any errors made by the automated service.
Tamo: this is episode 59
Akko: and the topic of the day is how to build a strong family. And before we get started, please take a quick moment to subscribe to our show. Now let's get back to our recent happenings. So recently one thing that all parents know is that the plight of parents with young children to get sick. .
Tamo: So the whole family it was our son that welcomed it into our home and then he shared it with his sister, then to mama, and then to dada. So I'm trailing everyone by a couple days, and that's why my voice is a little muffled today.
Yeah.
Akko: And I'm a little congested, but I mean, it's all good. Yeah. I'm feeling good.
Tamo: Yeah, it wasn't bad. It's not a bad cold, but still, it knocks you down a notch or two . that is that, yes. So with that said let's go into the topic of the day. The topic of the day today is how to build a strong family.
So Akko, please get us started
Akko: Yeah. So as parents, we have the responsibility to teach our children how a healthy relationship can look by example. So one way to do this is by modeling respectful behavior towards our partner, which includes speaking from our hearts and well of each other in front of our children. So when we speak positively about our partners in front of our children, we are setting an example of how to treat someone we care about. And this shows our children that we value and respect each other, and it also helps the children develop a positive attitude towards relationships to each parent. So what are some of the benefits of speaking well to your partner in front of your children?
Tamo: First of all, it teaches the children to be respectful. In particular, if the child sees the parents respecting each other treating each other well, obviously that will translate over to the children and then the likelihood of the children modeling, that will definitely increase. And so that's why it's really important to treat each other with respect. So that in cases when we don't really agree with each other, you can still each other with respect.
Akko: Yeah, absolutely. And the second one is that you wanna build a positive image of relationships. So you're pretty much teaching your children, Hey, this is how relationships can be. So by speaking positively about our partner, then we are creating a positive image of relationships in our children's minds. So our children learn that relationships are all about mutual respect, support, and love, and not about arguments or.
Tamo: Yeah. And another one is quite important too. All these points are really important, but it also increases the children's sense of security, right?
So if the children see their parents getting along of course they're gonna feel a lot more secure. And even if there is a disagreement between the parents you can always do so with in a very respectful way. And so by continuing to speak positively about our partner. It reassures our children that they are safe and they're in a loving family environment.
Akko: Yeah, absolutely. And if you think about Maslow's hierarchy, the first foundational bottom of the pyramid is physiological needs.
And then the second is safety needs. So it's so close. When you get all your physiological needs, then it goes up into the safety needs. So if you don't have that safety and security within your family, then your children aren't able to grow.
Tamo: Yeah, that's a great point. Looking at Maslow's hierarchy needs as you grow up different needs need to be met in order to go to the next level. And for example, the first level is as Akko Mentioned is the physiological needs, right?
So that's pretty much needs. You have in order to continue living as a body in this world. So
in order to have your body running, what is that? It's air, water, foods, shelter, being able to sleep, things like that. And then on top of that is safety needs. Having personal security, you're not continually physically assaulted or having health, things like that.
So once that is satisfied for the children, then they can go into the love and belonging, which is next to rung and that's, having such as friendship and family and just being able to connect with each other. And so by doing that, it really already sets a very strong foundation for the child as they continue to grow because the lower rungs are already so strong in the family environment.
Now they can work on esteem and actualizing the self and continuing beyond that . . So, Thank you for bringing that up. Akko a great point.
Akko: thank you . . And another one is that it helps children understand the importance of communication. Cuz we all know here that communication is very important as far as any type of relationships. So when we communicate positively with our partners, we model effective communications with our children. And then in so they learn that communication is key in any relationship and that it's important to express their feelings and needs clearly. And so again, modeling in the house is where everything starts. So if you communicate effectively with your partner about your needs whatever's on your mind, then your children will see that. And they'll learn to know how to express. And communicate with others how they are feeling or what they need or whatever they need to express.
Tamo: Yeah, and I think another point is you can express your feelings in multiple ways, right? It can be very counterproductive versus a productive expression of your feelings. And as parents, we can model a healthy way to express our feelings. And again in situations that we don't agree with each other, we can model that in a positive light. And on the other hand when things are going well continuing to share and express feelings in a constructive and positive way.
Now, if you think this episode is helpful for you or other parents, please share it. And if you haven't, please take a quick moment to subscribe to our show. So with that said, when a conflict arises around children, between the parents,
Akko: it is important to show how conflicts are resolved in a healthy way. So I'm not saying let's intentionally, argue or discuss in front of our children. That's really not the point. But sometimes there are just disagreements or discussions that so happened to be in front of our children.
And so in those situations, it is important to show the children how these conflicts are resolved because in most cases, the children don't see how it's resolved. They just see at the beginning and then, some parents might just say, okay, you know what, let's just stop. And then not continue until the kids are not present. And so The children are unaware of how these conflicts are.
Tamo: Yeah. And so I see two main types of this, which is, one is that the parents when disagreements happen, the parent will say, okay, let's not do this in front of the children, and then stop at that point and then continue on.
But the thing is the emotions are still stored and that energy is still there. So the, of course, the kids do feel that continuing throughout the day. And on the other hand, there are parents that will go ahead and let it all out in front of the children, and obviously that is very unhealthy too.
So those two extremes that's not what we're talking about, but looking at a more healthy balance of resolving these disagreements or conflicts if they arise. Now I wanna keep it more at the disagreement level before it goes into conflict. Yeah. So that's why I think it's very important to.
Make sure that we're keeping ourselves calm in a physiological way, right?
So deep breathing so you're not overtaken by your emotions. And then if you're able to do that in front of your children, what happens is our children will see and say, oh, okay, my parents are getting a little heated, but this is how they're dealing with it. Again deep breathing or hugging each other and telling each other that that we love each other and then continuing on the discuss.
Akko: Yeah, absolutely. It's always really important to reassure the children that the conflict is not really their fault and that they're still being loved. Because a lot of times when conflicts arise or any disagreements arises, the children actually look within themselves.
That's actually a natural thing for the children, cuz they're like, oh, it must be my fault. And they actually take in all that negative energy and turn just, it comes out maybe if they haven't resolved it within themselves., so many times, you wanna always reassure the children, it's okay.
And, whenever we have disagreements, I don't even know. It's it doesn't even get to the disagreement. We're literally just talking to each other and just sharing our ideas and we're just so respectful of each other. It doesn't really get to that point.
Tamo: And . And then when there are times that we're getting a little bit on the heated side, which is extremely rare. For example, our daughter might come over to us and ask us, oh, are you mad? Or maybe she'll want to talk to us. And at those times for example, I would say yes, I'm getting angry, but what I'm gonna do is take some deep breaths and then show her as the thing is happening so that she can see in real time. Oh, okay. That's how dad or mom is managing their own emotions and then being able to speak to each other in a positive and constructive way.
Akko: . Yes. So doing some of those stuff. Again, as Tamo mentioned, you wanna avoid yelling or name calling or making hurtful comments of your partner. And instead try to stay calm and respectful towards each other. And so again by staying calm, you can always look to your children and say, it's not your fault.. And, we love you.
And one thing that's important is by modeling these healthy conflict resolution skills, you're teaching your children how to handle disagreements in their own relationships. And they learn that it's possible to disagree with someone without being hurtful or disrespectful in any way.
And so it helps 'em understand that conflicts are natural part of any relationships in that they can be resolved in a very healthy way.
Tamo: Yeah. And through that it reassures your children that the conflict is not their fault and that they still very much love their children. Because many times children may blame themselves for conflicts. And with that said we talked about the conflict side of things, but I wanted to also add that it's really important to speak well of each other during normal times, good times, and even times that disagreements happen.
So not to say that you want to create an illusion that everything is good. That's not what you're trying to do. But , showing that we as parents love each other and then instead what we're trying to do is show each other as parents that we love each other. And then that love is also plentiful for the children too.
Akko: . Absolutely. So even those simple thank yous, I love you throughout the days. I appreciate you. Those really go a long way and the children see that. And happy parents, happy children. Ties into that as well.
Tamo: Yeah. And we were discussing, it's not that we're creating a facade of happiness, but. This comes from just being true. And that true is not necessarily when you're angry, you yell and scream. That's not actually true. That's a reaction to some hurt that you feel inside. So instead, just being able to diffuse things before it gets bad. And then, discuss with each other and have communications open so that you can resolve the bottom underlying issue without having things blow up.
Akko: Yeah, absolutely. So with that said, in summary, speaking highly of your partner in front of your children is an essential aspect of parenting. It teaches children how to be respectful and it also builds a positive image of relationships including increasing their senses of security and helps them understand the importance of communication and encouraging healthy relationship habits.
And so by modeling positive behaviors in our relationships, we can help our children develop healthy relationship habits that will serve them well throughout their lives
Tamo: so the question of the day is how do you talk to your partner in front of your children, and how do you handle conflicts in front of your children?
Akko: We'd love to hear from you. Please come say hi by commenting on our website by going to AKKOANDTAMO.COM that's A K K O A N D T A M O.com, and clicking on the podcast tab. We're also on Instagram at AKKO AND TAMO, so come say hi.
Tamo: All right, take care.
Akko: Okay, bye.